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I have a lot of bad feelings associated with my mom. I love her, too. I just... get this feeling of hopelessness because I'll never live up to her expectations. She is wise in some areas, but she takes a lot for granted and she keeps herself from being happy a lot.

I miss my family. I miss having a home. I miss Mema and Papa, and I want to hang out with my father more often. I feel like I need that right now more than ever.

I want to just tell them all of my problems and know i'm supported and they just want me to be happy. I want that safety net. Too bad theyre in another state.

I am so confused right now. My emotions are creating a difficult situation for me that could change my life. I don't know if I want it to or not.

I don't know if now is the right time, or if I'm doing the right thing, and by whom I would be should I take action.

I feel like I'm wasting my time, yet i need to waste it for my own good. I don't have that young eagerness like I once did. But I'm not even that old. Only two decades.

Am I ahead of the curve? Or behind it?

Am I smart, or am I stupid?

I love my friends, and I appreciate all of them. But sometimes you just need your family. :(

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January 2014


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