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long time no see

Its been a while since I've written anything down. I don’t even carry a spare notebook around anymore, that's how long it's been.

That may be a problem.

I talked about my ordeal with my mom today with someone. That story always makes me feel ragey and vulnerable afterwards. And mostly empty. The loss of things isn't as sharp as it used to be. But the lack of trust leaves me feeling like a jaded 20 something out of a bad breakup. Except that I cant move on, really. Because its my mother. The one who is supposed to take care of you. The one person you go back to when others let you down. Except no one has ever let me down quite like that. Or ripped me apart quite like that ans acted like it was something thing I did to myself.

I wish those girls would shut up. They're ruining my concentration.

One of these days I'll write a happy post.

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